Baba Ramdev Opposes International Yoga Day By Going Shirtless

Photo Credit - EPA/Rajat Gupta

Today is International Yoga Day. The most awaited day for the most promising ambitious ambidextrous mortals of the immortal corporate world. It is a big day for them to make their bosses happy and proud.

An overly elated, to the point of drivelling-on-my-phone while recording, Mr Ryan Tendulkar, Senior Technology Officer, Sunsun & Sunsun, said, “OMG, I can't thank Modiji enough for this kindest gesture. I mean I know I have to be sorry for the gays and the lady gays, but who cares! I finally got to have my redemption and show off to my boss as to just how bendy I could get. That's all I ever wanted. I am so glad he came.”

It was so emotional to see Ryan getting emotional about his big responsive opportunity. I just let him come. I could see that it had been a while for him.

While the National Ghee Trading Association has been waiting with an unbrushed breath and gleeful about celebrating the day with a few questionable poses, Baba Ramdev, owner of Patanjali Herbs & Spices, a Fast-moving consumer goods (FMCG) company that makes high-quality cannabis-infused tacos and dhoklas, has vowed to “knock the teeth off Modiji” until the government reconsiders its GST quotation for ghee. In his fit of rage, he was seen vehemently spitting, “How the f**k am I supposed to prepare my signature Patanjali chilli pickle without the ghee now!”

Earlier this morning, shocked by the betrayal of his Gujarati friends, Ramdev shaved his patented body hair and beard and gave it to Rakhi Sawant, who, promised to hold on to it until she made it big in Bollywood. Meanwhile, Rohit Shetty has already approached a clean-shaven Ramdev to play Rambo in Rambo 2. Tiger Shroff was unavailable for comment.

Hon’ble Prime Minister, Shri Narendra Modi, appointed a 51,000-member special committee to oversee the reception and hospitality of the esteemed 51,000 RSVP guests who poured in in droves, troops, herds, and yokes of bulls, buffaloes, cows, and oxen to join the Prime Minister for an 80-minute stimulating yoga session. The country was mooed.

Parvati, a milk-yielding Sahiwal cow who had come walking all the way from Jabalpur to be a part of this landmark day, when asked how she felt about the event, commented, “It was so special for me. You know, I was right behind Modiji! You saw me? He is so humble. And boy, he cute. I wish he were a bull. Just between you and me, I couldn’t take my eyes off him, especially when he was saluting the Sun and I was saluting him (she leans in and whispers ‘if you know what I mean’ and giggles to herself). I thought he and I . . . we had a connection.” Parvati was all blushes.

Overall, it is a fantastic day to do some yoga. Happy #InternationalYogaDay y’all. Go break a bone.

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