India Hosts Monsoon Olympics For Al-Qaeda

Photo Credit - Reuters/Hamid Mir

L. K. Advani, the father of Babri Masjid, is all set to welcome Ayman al-Zawahiri, co-founder of Al-Qaeda, for the debut season of Monsoon Olympics in India.

The Indian Olympic Committee has appointed Anurag Kashyap as the Artistic Director for the grand event, which is scheduled to take place in the second week of August 2017.

A monumental event for Indians, the committee is committed to creating a one-of-a-kind experience to ensure the Islamic radical zealots don’t get homesick.

“My natural thirst for violence allows me to feel the feeling the likes of Al-Qaeda feel. For the opening act, I'll be giving them Sunny Leone, a thoroughbred bombshell. And we all know just how much the extremist brotherhood loves its bombs. Following Sunny’s performance, we are going to, as a heartfelt tribute, stream full-colour motion holograms of martyred terrorists in ultra high resolution.” Anurag boasted.

Reserved only for the elitist beasts, Monsoon Olympics has its own sports to match the unique aesthetic of the special fraternity it caters to. “The kind of sports we have here at Monsoon Olympics is very questionable, but unquestionable because you never screw with a terrorist. In ‘A Minute to Behead’, the objective of the participant is to not just behead Hindus at stray, rather those Hindus whose heads have missing brains. Even though, there are a lot many heads like that in our country, to spot them and execute as many as possible within a minute can be mentally taxing.” A senior official of the committee said.

The event is also seeing support from other major organisations. The Indian Space Research Organisation, despite being broke as a black man in a black hole after a crazy spree of satellite-launching, is putting up quite a show in the skies by sending 105 #MakeInIndia Chinese lanterns to the sky in honour of the winners of ‘Suicide Bombing’ sport, who will not be able to return next year to compete.

Rakhi Sawant, a third-rate Page 3 celebrity who charges first-rate prices for cheap performances at cheaper award shows, has already gone on public record and declared her love for yet another bearded fanatic. Last night she announced that if team Al-Qaeda won at least one bronze medal in the Olympics, she'd have Zawahiri's baby for free.

The Prime Minister, Narendra Modi, is confident that the Monsoon Olympics will establish a new bond between India and countries that sponsor terrorism. “We are a country that turns the other cheek. When Mr Zawahiri’s associates threatened that they would attack those who attacked the fellows of their faith, I instantly came up with the Monsoon Olympics idea. I know my party people play an important role every day to make sure we have a prime spot in the map of terrorists . . . but hey, it always does feel good to be wanted. Doesn’t it?”

Funded by the demonetised funds and chaperoned by Ayman al-Zawahiri, India’s Monsoon Olympics has already gained an international reputation by having a charter of ivy league list of terror-aficionado countries like Iran, Sudan, Syria, Iraq, Libya, and Afghanistan participating in its debut season, giving the prestigious event a bright ray of hope and a moral backing that it requires to move forward in the right spirit.

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