Modi Is The First World Leader To Give Trump A Lap Dance In The White House

Photo Credit - Reuters/Mikhail Metzel

Prime Minister, Narendra Modi, will be landing in Washington, D.C. with 180 cows. Apparently, Modi doesn’t believe in drinking holy milk from the same holy cow twice. “I am here on a B-2 Tourist Visa. Do you have any idea of the kind of hoops I have had to jump through to get that? So I am gon’ be here until my immigration officer comes to me with a warrant asking me to leave. I am an Indian, and it is my birthright to trespass.” He said.

Modi, in preparation of his meeting with Trump, has inducted himself into a strenuous workout routine that is designed to improve his trademark suffocating bear hug, fondly nicknamed by the minorities - ‘The Hindutva Choke’. The Prime Minister was also seen taking midnight lessons from Poonam Pandey, who was assigned to teach Modi a thing or two about strip-tease.

Celebrity fitness trainer, Madhesh Udiyar, who trained Salman Kaun in Suntan and Amir Kaun in Bangle was appointed to train Modi physically and mentally, following Modi’s announcement of his three-nation ‘Modifier’ tour.

“I have seen fanatics before. Certainly never a savage like Modiji. His dedication to fitness is matchless. His workout involved riding the bison for 15 kilometres and executing an excruciating 500 reps of push-ups on a heifer. This brutal workout was quickly followed by a two-meals-a-day holistic diet called ‘Butter My Holy Milk’, which is committed to drinking eighty glasses of holy milk of an old holy cow, mixed with the morning holy dung of three castrated holy bulls.” Madhesh said. 

The Hon’ble Prime Minister will be staying at the Blair House, which is a only a tiny fart away from the White House. The visit is meant to attest the strong relations between the two countries, who share a common hatred for Pakistan and China.

Modi also intends on resolving the marriage troubles between the President and his first lady. Before he left India, he said, “A man should always have his wife under his radar. Because you see a wife is nothing but a shadow of her husband. Her duty is in the kitchen. And if the White House does not have a kitchen, I will persuade Trump to have one built. He has a real estate business, he’ll know what to do.”

The Prime Minister of India, a chaste male himself, believes that a leader should never allow his horniness to interfere in one’s dharma toward his country. He strongly feels that even though he was able to vent his sexual frustration through orgies such as demonetisation and beef ban in India, an international and significant leader like Trump cannot afford to enjoy such luxuries.

To make things right, Modi plans on going one step further and intervening in the sexual matters of Trump. “Trump has been a crazy man, ever since he took office. The man seriously needs to get laid, and if convincing Melania is what it takes to bring world peace and ease his regulations on H-1B visa for my fellow Indians, then I will most certainly do it. Let’s not forget, I come from the land of Kama Sutra.” Modi winked.

Donald Trump, overwhelmed by emotion, tweeted, “You are a true friend, @narendramodi.”

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